In our digital universe, one of the most underrated and yet highly successful industries that regularly flies under the radar is…the Wedding Industry!
These faceless marketing geniuses have single-handedly changed the course of just about every American life with their cunning strategies and products. You have likely been a victim er “customer,” and not even aware of it. Case in point #1. Among all of the various rituals and practices associated with tying the knot, these prolific visionaries have not only cornered the formal invitation market for nuptial celebrations, but they have concocted a newer cottage industry and revenue stream. One example, which forces newly engaged couples to stake out their designated date ahead of any other potential competition, comes in the form of yet another invitation card. One that arrives complete with fancy lettering and photos. This entree of course, is conveniently added to the already growing wedding budget. The new “required” document is currently known as the “Save the Date” invitation. Kudos to them. If only the rest of us had that same entrepreneurial drive.
But we would like to draw your attention to another interpretation of the phrase, “Save the Date.”
Isn't it ironic that while some in our culture are trying to get you to save the date, most are pushing you to “lose it?” .
We're talking about the now somewhat passe notion of dating, or what grandma used to call courtship. Our collective march towards ultimate efficiency has drawn many to bypass the human form of interaction and simply use their phone to troll through endless database lists of “potentials.” And with the flick of a finger….we can set up a hookup disguised as a date without having to face someone in person, hear their voice or read their body language. Ahh the joy of technology!
In fact many providers of these digital hookup services are actually predicting the end to our formal understanding of marriage and family. They theorize that this endless well of “potentials,” available at a moment’s notice, will keep us from going “old school,” getting married, having a family, settling down.
Time will tell if its true or not…but a better question is…
Is this what you really want?
Although its a common belief that when you’re young you should “plow through” members of the opposite sex in a series of one- night "whatevers” to get it out of your system...debunking this common myth will be the subject for some of our discussions later but for now...
Let’s just think about when you DO feel you want to connect with someone….how will that happen? If we’ve all but done away with activities formerly known as dating, how will you build a relationship with someone?
Just live together I guess…see how it goes.
Ahh yes, a slightly modified version of option 1, aka “pretend marriage” minus the commitment and 99% of the benefits actual married folk enjoy. Another topic to explore in detail at a later time, but for now, let’s keep pressing ahead.
We would like to propose that you give old school another look. Another shot if you will. Looping back to our title, we propose that as a society, we “save the date.” Here’s the argument;
Dating is “in person,” face to face, or" in your face" as the case may be. It's confrontational (in a good way) and it demands you absorb all aspects of the other person’s being. (Looks, voice, sense of humor, intellect, personality, foibles, etc.)
It is the ultimate relational “ground floor” experience. No one wants to stay on the “ground floor” of anything...but you can’t have a relational structure, one that can become a magnificent archetype of love and commitment, without starting there and moving up.
Face to face dating in the daylight, with your clothes on, is a grand opportunity to first of all connect with another human. Starting on a friendship level and hopefully moving to a romantic one. Dating creates awkward moments, tiny segments of life where time stands still while you shuffle through cycles of embarrassment, confusion, shyness, silence and uncertainty. These are reasons why some avoid face-to-face dating…but they are missing out.
Its precisely these awkward moments, and fighting through them, and then coming-out the other side in one piece that gives you both your first shared emotional experience. It’s part of the shared history, a history that if the relationship moves forward, forms part of the bedrock on which the entire edifice is built. If not, its a story you both will tell your friends about later with a wry smile, but you will have learned something about yourself in the process regardless.
The journey of traditional dating…like the old days…is filled with risk and reward, exploration and revelation, surprise and sadness. Unlike swiping for a hookup, dating demands that you put yourself forward in a personal setting. It takes courage, it shows intention, and it’s difficult.
And that’s the great part of it!
Because these are some of the key traits you’ll need to build a relationship that lasts a lifetime. You will never acquire these characteristics by simply filling your nights (or days) with digitally scheduled flesh-romps followed by an Uber ride of shame.
Have you noticed that relationships that begin with a hookup, rarely move past that phase? They often don’t develop much of a “root system” that can stand the storms of life.
Successful lifelong relationships are face to face. They are built, they are supported, they are enhanced and they are maintained in visceral and imperfect circumstances. Most of which occur outside of the bedroom. Old school dating gives you both the chance to build the root system slowly and purposefully.
Just to be clear, what we're proposing does not have to be complicated or expensive. What we’re referring to can be as pedestrian as inviting someone to coffee or dessert or a walk. The one caveat to this proposal is you must be at least halfway “serious” about your relational future. Here at DateU we call it “beginning with the end in mind.” Simply put, only choose dates who have a solid chance of meeting most of your standards for a mate. Other than that, the possibilities are endless. And if you have the courage, the rewards will follow.
Save the date. You just might be surprised at what you’ll find.
