Over the last 20-30 years, our society has made real progress in elevating women, their rights, opportunities and status. Compared to the sisters who have gone before us in previous generations, todays women are more empowered, employed and elevated in all spheres of society. While not yet perfect, we can all celebrate our advancements.
Unfortunately, progress in one area of life doesn’t automatically translate to advancement in all others. In the case of men-women relationships, you could argue that in the same window of time we have actually taken a step or two backwards.
For example, we all understand that in order to have a relationship that goes the distance, you need men to come alongside you in a deep and meaningful way. Both need to be fully invested in the relationship and both need to be committed to seeing it through for the long haul.
We have noticed in the past couple of decades however, that this situation seems to be less and less common. Sadly, it is not unusual to hear women describe their frustrations with being single into their late 30’s and 40’s, sitting in coffee shops with their friends trying to figure out why.
And that is the question of the day isn’t it?...Why?
Have women advanced beyond the point of needing a man? Have men stagnated or worse yet, regressed to the place where they just can’t keep up with progressive, powerful women?
We don’t think so.
Sure, its true, life is different today and both men and women aren’t exactly the same in terms of how they see the world or the opposite sex. In fact, we want to dive deep into some of these themes and topics in future posts.
But for today’s discussion, let’s narrow it down to us. Are we different? Is it really our status and advancement and progress that’s keeping men from venturing over to our side of the dance floor?
We say “no.”
We want to propose a different idea, one that may be a little tough to swallow, but we encourage you to try.
What if you took some time to think about how you see men? What do you think of them as a species? What are you expecting from them and from a relationship with one of them?
Bear with us as we unpack this idea.
It is our opinion that one of the things that has changed over the recent decades is how women have been trained to view men. Granted, this miseducation of young women has been subtle and, in most cases, unintentional, but the fact remains that in many instances, men have been “lowered” in our collective consciousnesses.
In addition to teaching young girls they can do STEM and work any job a man can do, somewhere along the line we’ve also conditioned them to think they don’t really need a man in their life to feel happy or fulfilled.
Of course, it’s true you don’t need a man, but if you desire a family with children and someone to come home to after your long day's work, a good man might just be the ticket.
Young girls have been brought up with the notion that “boys don’t understand us” and that “guys are basically clueless” when it comes to relationships and making them work.
We’ve all heard phrases that have seeped into our collective consciousness so deep that we just accept them as fact and go about our day.
“If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”
“Happy wife, happy life”
In other words, when it comes to the relationship terms and details, what a woman wants is what should occur.
We can see many of you nodding your heads in agreement.
But is it true?
Are you seeking connection with a man just to have him meet all of your needs…physically, emotionally and even financially?
Have you stopped to ask yourself the question, what’s in it for the guys?
What if part of the reason many guys today are so reticent to jump into relationship is that they’ve done the math on long term dating or marriage, and for them it doesn’t add up?
Too much cost, not enough benefit.
What if you looked at this whole situation through another lens?
What if, you viewed guys as something completely different, physically, emotionally, and mentally? And these differences were actually created by design which means you both aren’t supposed to be exactly the same?
And what if you decided that rather than following the crowd of modern women in their efforts to remake a man in their own image, you simply looked for ways to connect to him…as he currently is?
What if you acknowledged that in order for a relationship to be successful, you needed to admit that there are 2 of you in it? And both of you had unique desires, needs, wants and dreams?
And what if you chose to make space in your connection for his voice, his interests and activities? And accepted the fact that over time, both of you would change and grow and mature…together!
If you were able to see men from this lens, we are confident a whole new world of relational possibility would open to you.
And we are also confident you will like what you see.
