Since your social life has been severely diminished due to the recent mandates concerning “social distancing,” we thought this would be the perfect time to release our latest blog!
Let’s face it, all of our lives have been upended and many of us are feeling a bit out of sorts over this whole experience. Stress and anxiety will take its toll on relationships and our current world situation clearly counts as a major stressor.
Have you noticed the posts on social media about people whose family/friends/roommates are driving them crazy after just a couple of days in close quarters? Most of these entries are weak attempts at humor and a way to pass the time.
But some are a little too close to home…literally.
Stress will always reveal the cracks and weak areas of a relationship. How are yours holding up?
Have you discovered some things about your boyfriend/girlfriend that are really getting on your nerves lately? Is the list of things they do and say that bug the heck out of you…growing?
Do you find your patience with them at an all-time low? And is your patience level dropping like the stock market with each passing hour?
These are what we call “red flags.” Not in the traditional sense of “hey this means he/she is not the right one for me.” Or “if he/she really loved me they wouldn’t aggravate the crap out of me.”
No friends, it may be true that the one you are dating or in a relationship with might not be a good fit for the long term. It’s also quite possible that a little (ok a lot) of stress is merely revealing some issues hiding inside of you!
Ouch! It’s much easier to think the other person is always at fault. Yes, we know but that’s not the path to long term relational success.
In keeping with our DateU theme of “becoming the one” we would like to suggest that these perilous times are actually wonderful opportunities to look in the mirror. We believe this is important because quite frankly, your inability to adjust to foibles and irritating actions of your boyfriend/girlfriend or family, will cost you dearly in your attempts to build something that will stand the test of time.
And no, we’re not talking about actions or words that lean towards abuse or blatant disrespect. We’re talking about normal human relational “stuff.” Words, habits, tendencies and actions that can put you on edge or are just the polar opposite from your own.
An important characteristic of couples whose relationship “goes the distance” is that they have grace for one another. A Jewish love-doctor named Paul puts it this way.
“Love is patient and kind”
Nobody said love and relationships were easy. They are rewarding and worthwhile, but they are never easy. So, your challenge during this national crisis, is to take full advantage of the opportunity to increase your love-ability.
No matter how many times your boyfriend/girlfriend/family member irritates you, no matter how often they say or do things to set you on edge, ask yourself the question “am I being patient and kind?”
The answer may very well determine success or failure for your relationships. At this point, it’s important to remind ourselves that we are not chained to our feelings but can and often should act in spite of them!
Successful long-term relationships require us to develop the ability, the habit of acting or responding out of what we know we should do or say. This is in contrast to just living by whatever emotional response blows through your mental doors in the moment.
Being patient and kind is often not a feeling, it’s an act, a deliberate choice. Most of the time, we decide to be this way in spite of our current mood. Personal character virtues can be developed by habits of thinking and habits of action. If you want to have a powerful, fulfilling, harmonious relationship and marriage, now is the time to master these virtues.
So, when you do meet the one you want to build a life with, you’ll be a willing partner who is already patient and kind.
Good luck and stay safe.
Until next time.
Social Distance Dating and the Mirror
