For many of us summertime is our favorite time of the year.
If you’re still in school, its a respite from the grind of studying and tests and clique drama. For those of us who are “beyond school,” its about vacations and outdoor parties and summer flings!
Summer flings?
Isn’t it funny how that works? You meet a guy or girl when they’re trimmed up or tanned from summer activities. The weather is warm and they’re wearing a little less clothing than normal…or they’ve chosen an outfit that accentuates all their best features…
Since summer is made for picnics and bonfires and rooftop club nights, you’re going places and doing things you don’t normally do all winter.
Freed from the cloistered world of coats, closed windows and 5PM sunsets, you’re in a “hey I just want to have fun” mood that seems to envelop us every June through September.
And suddenly, you find yourself noticing or being attracted to someone who wouldn’t normally make your relational radar screen.
And that can be good thing.
But oftentimes, it’s just a summer fling. These short-lived rendezvous’s seem to have a few things in common;
They start with a chemical bang! “Wow she/he’s hot, I’ve never seen anyone like them before.”
Even if f its not a classic dating app-hookup session, the time from “get to know you” to “let’s get physical” is even more compressed.
Since fling-protocols demand that you skip most of your normal vetting procedures, they often occur with someone who viscerally grabs your attention but when it comes to conversation or just ‘hang time” … it tends to be awkward at best.
Isn’t it interesting that after a second beer sitting near a bonfire or on a rooftop with a skyline view, just about anyone looks and sounds mesmerizing? But in fling season, we’re willing to put up with less than the best cause…its only a fling!
This my friends, is the stuff movies and songs are made from.
And it’s also the recipe for broken hearts and some pretty major consequences.
“Oh come on, if summer flings were so bad, they wouldn’t be such a “thing” with practically everybody doing it!”
Well, its true lots of people have flings. Some morph into a real relationship, and most do not. Its also true that many folks suffer relational scars from an ill-advised fling.
Let’s consider a few examples:
“I got pregnant with a guy on a fling. He is the exact opposite of someone I would normally date, but now he and I are linked forever as we have to figure out how to raise our child. So yeah, not my best summer.”
“My fling lasted 3 weeks. It was exciting, we hooked up, partied with our friends on the beach and laughed a lot. Suddenly she vanishes and I found out from her cousin that she went back to her boyfriend when he returned from his internship early. I’m looking in the mirror now every day since she left wondering what happened and why I can’t seem to get her our of my head.”
“My friends and I went on a gambling and dinner cruise on the river. I met a guy who won almost every hand he played. My friends didn’t really like him but I thought he was cute. He asked me out that night and we dated some over the summer. Turns out my friends were right cause I found out he was married! I had that feeling in my stomach early on, but he kept flashing me that money smile and I just fell for it. Never again.”
Sure there are lots of “fling” examples where people don’t really suffer much harm (emotional, mental or other). But is that the goal? To not get burned too bad? Could you maybe have a higher standard for your relational road?
The other problem with flings is that people don’t limit them to summer.
The “hey I like one aspect of this person” but then drop your guard on character, virtue, integrity and faith. Basically all the elements of a date-able person that matter.
So the question is…..why? Why do are we so vulnerable to the fling virus? What is it about the status of our heart that will cause us to jettison 90% of our relational expectations on a whim? Only to go through the experience and get burned or at the very least…disappointed?
Is it possible that we’re selling ourselves short? That somewhere, deep in the crevices of our heart we’ve got some lies hiding out telling us that “this is all we really deserve?” Or that maybe we’re somehow lucky that a member of the opposite sex is showing us the tiniest morsel of interest and we better jump on the opportunity because it may be the last one?
Or maybe we truly just want a flesh-filled no emotional linkage series of romps with someone we met at a party? I guess you get to decide.
But I would invite you to consider for a moment, what are you giving up for the fling? What are you saying “no” to when you say ‘yes” to the fling?
When you launch into a fling, no matter what month of the year, and start your high speed accumulation of personal and emotional baggage, do you consider the end result? Because by definition, a “fling” is short termed and has a definite end point.
Is it possible that saying no to a one dimensional dalliance will allow you to say yes to something better, more rewarding and emotionally satisfying?
What if not lowering your standards and expectations for a fling actually allowed you to “weed out those who wouldn’t fit well with you” in the long run?
Because after all, isn’t that what we’re really after? A relationship that will work, a connection made of more than testosterone, botox and bank accounts?
At the core of this conversation lies your secret view of yourself. The person you stare at every morning getting ready for the day. Is that person worthy of love and acceptance? Does he understand that he is a unique creation of God fitted with gifts, talents and intangibles?
Does she recognize that she is designed by heaven, to make the world a better place?
And most importantly, do you understand that the sum total of who you are; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually has immeasurable value?
And a work of art such as yourself should not be wasted or placed into the relational care of someone who doesn’t see your worth.
Flings are fun in movies and music.
When it comes to real life, see yourself as you really are …and guard your heart accordingly…
Enjoy the rest of your summer!
