“Boys will be boys”
You’ve heard the phrase uttered in disgust by a mother or a sister or on occasion, a girlfriend.
It’s party true of course, we guys like to do “our stuff.” In our younger days it was commonly video games mixed with any number of outdoor enterprises Depending on where you live. Some of these activities range from surfing to sports or skateboarding, to mountain biking and the like. In the rural or scenic locations some of us grew up hunting, fishing. hiking or rock climbing. Essentially we’re talking about just about any pastime that provided a bit of excitement, laughs and even some danger.
Yep, we dudes are attracted to such things. Within reason of course, these pastimes are good and a necessary part of a guys’ growth and development.
And other things…
In addition to the classic “guy activities,” we’ve also become known for other types of common “dude behavior.” Some of which is not really all that flattering.
Passing gas with pride in public would get you some laughs in middle school. Another familiar example might be letting your bedroom/bathroom degrade into a laboratory suitable for growing exotic bacteria cultures. A hallmark of the “I don’t care about this” mentality we sometimes embrace in adolescence.
When you’re in college or just living with a buddy after high school, no one expects you to have your s#!& together. Whether it’s your squalid living situation, or lack of a job, or a tendency to stay up all night challenging 14-year old’s across the pond in the latest RPG experience, few people even give you a second look.
“He’s only 19…or 24…or 31 they say. Let’s face it guys, the world isn’t really setting the bar of expectation very high for us anymore. Technology and changing times have enabled a slow descent towards neanderthal status for too many of our gender.
What about connection?
When it comes to relationships, dating apps have allowed some of our brethren to order up a hookup for the evening with no questions asked as easily as summoning a pizza delivery. All that seems to be needed is a catfish-able profile and a functioning “swipe finger.”
Sure, every once in awhile mom will drop one of her patented and not too subtle hints about settling down or grandkids. But with a practiced ease, mom is quickly dismissed as you scurry to the next online gamer event or a night at the club with a couple of buddies.
We have a question
And this brings us to the question of the hour. Is this the life you want?
For the rest of your life?
“No, well, maybe, ah probably not the rest of my life, but….I dunno.”
Bingo.
“I don’t know” is exactly right. Let us step in here and give you the hand you didn’t know you needed.
“It’s time to grow up son.”
“Whoa whoa whoa, let’s back it up here about six feet Mr. Condescending! I’m 25 and doing just fine and I don’t need some WWII grandpa speech to motivate me.”
But you just said you “didn’t know.” We’re willing to bet that this is the most honest thing you’ve said or thought in quite awhile.
What about the future?
Let’s go with your current response that you don’t want this lifestyle to move forward in perpetuity. (Legal term for forever)
Someday you’d like to get married…and have a real job…move out of mom’s basement and even graduate to having a family.
“Seems like a leap from here for sure…but ok let’s imagine.”
Great! So what will it take to get you from the basement of perpetual adolescence into next level happiness and success that includes a wife, family and a future?
“I have no idea.”
Correct! But the answer is simple. “Intent and action.” AKA “Choose and do.”
There is a solution
Any life change starts with a choice, a decision. You must decide on a different path and then you must move your well-endowed gluteus in the direction of your choice. Some examples might include:
- Get a job or get a better job
- Get certified in a skill or trade that qualifies you for said better job…even college if you have your sights set on law, medicine, or education
- Shower every day
Now that we’ve identified some big picture options, let’s get practical. What are some first steps that might take you in the direction you want to go? Lucky for you we have some starter recommendations;
- Get an apartment (aka move out of basement)
- Clean your apartment
- Get a car (Mom needs her minivan back). Make sure the car runs
- Clean the car
- Shower every day
What does all this have to do with a relationship and a future family?
The dots are connecting
Glad you asked. We know from sociological research, that one of the best ways to grow into full adulthood/manhood is to get married. No, we are NOT saying you should apply to get on the Married at First Sight reality show or sign up for a mail-order bride from Russia.
But, before you can even think about walking down the aisle, you must put yourself in position to attract and connect with a female who has similar goals and aspirations for life.
In the most practical of ways, completing the steps listed above will instantly transform you from first place on the “bro going nowhere” list to the “he might be a good catch” category on the feminine spreadsheet of options. In fact, it just might allow you to attract the attention of the woman of your dreams!
What the ladies want
You see fellas, high quality-high-caliber ladies you hope to bring home to meet mom, will not be interested in a boy living his best swinger/dorm/bathing optional lifestyle!
Girls don’t need to know your future, but they must be convinced you have one, and a plan along with it. As a bonus, they love a man who is actively working toward his goals. (Emphasis on working)
Ladies graduating from Tinder hookups into long-term relationships of substance and meaning do NOT want the following:
• To pay for dates. They want a guy who cares enough and is financially stable enough to build a life with. Boys go Dutch, men pay for dates.
• Smell you/your living quarters before the door to your car or apartment opens. You think we’re kidding here, but we have a word for guys without any hygiene habits….single!
• Have to drive their car on all your dates and excursions because your moped is too small for the both of you, or the heater/AC in your jalopy doesn’t work. It’s not that girls are attracted to a car, as much as it’s what a decent, operational vehicle represents. Stability, priorities, and the intent to move forward in life.
• Spend hours on the couch watching you defeat zombies or extraterrestrials on your big screen.
It’s not all about the Benjamins
You don’t have to be related to Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos to attract a lady of quality and grace. You will, however, need a job mixed with some internal motivation to advance. Sadly. your six pack abs and next level dance moves will not carry you the distance in a real relationship.
At some point, (relatively early in the romance) a wise woman will look deeper. She will imagine if she could see a future with you, and what that future might look like. If it’s questionable to the naked eye whether you can take care of yourself, you can be confident that a woman of significance will keep searching for someone who can. Someone who has the vision, motivation, and character to build the foundation of a life.
The Basics
Let’s keep this simple. Some of the key questions ladies ask themselves when a guy approaches them include:
1. Does he have a job or career that produces a decent income?
2. Does he have the character and motivation or desire to advance in his job or career?
3. Has he acquired or developed adult habits, activities, and friends?
Men, if you want to make it to the “next level” in life and begin a journey towards connection with a woman, you need to get serious, make some changes, and “take care of business.”
Some of the best advance for young guys came from a fellow dude named Paul.
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” 1 Cor 13:11
Guys, it’s time to grow up. Are you ready to start?
Your future awaits.
